her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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