I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
