I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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