i don't plan on having that self control this summer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
