I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
