Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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