I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
