your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize