i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
