Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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