She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
