So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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