There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
