No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
