It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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