yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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