He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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