you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
