Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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