I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
