So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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