I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
