I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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