oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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