Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
