i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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