non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Shame is for Republicans.
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