it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
