Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
