Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they need to just BURY HIM!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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