and you said cock pushups were impossible
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
