I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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