My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
