I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize