Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
