she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
