as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
