Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He passed out mid-signature
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
