is your mom at the bar?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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