Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i will never coherently bang her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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