he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
