Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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