I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my poor anus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
