She said her name was "party"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
