You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
