I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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