No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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