$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
