i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
