he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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