i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
