Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
