my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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