i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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