I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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