I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
