The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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