I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
