i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
