is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
