Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
