sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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